| 莫名的執著？
讓我仍堅決繼續目睹 另一半的我想要逃避的一切
仍想了解你所有的一切
窺探
冰山下的全貌
挪威的森林
是否仍可讓我停留
但
可能有些緣份
就像被吹散了的沙
凋謝了的花
永遠
不會恢復原貌
又只能目睹一幕幕殘酷的現實
無法控制的回想一段段的往事
那些曾經的美好
那些本來屬於我給予的幸福
仍想當你飄無所依時的避風港
拭乾妳淚水的手帕
溫暖妳十指的手心
綻放妳笑容的泉源
是想要等到
我有一天可以麻木
可以坦然面對
還是
仍在等待
那不可能的可能
沒有結果的結果
還是
想要洗滌我的罪惡
枷鎖
該如何解脫
自私的佔有慾
還是仍太愛妳
允樂？
就讓他將吧
就讓我將吧
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| got assigned to a real combat unit for military
goin' next thursday
heard it is one of the toughest camp to survive
a lotta ppl that picked to go here dun like it
but im actually happy like no other
finally
i can go thru wut i always wanted
a real life experience in a serious military unit
which i cant get elsewhere
wanted to go try out for special forces but not qualified due to my left ankle fracture earlier this yr
thought i would go to some bs camps where u just kill time for most of the time
who knew shit would turn out this way
like wut ppl say
when God closes a door in front of u
He also opens another
the rookie trainin camp for the past month was kinda bs
got to kno some good friends
but i wouldnt say it was a real military experience
lotta drills to do throughout the day
busy but borin'
however
i do learn some valuable lessons from it
one of them is accepting the present
even when wut u've always taken for granted is gone
just take it as it is
and if u get over it wit a positive attitude
u will learn things that u didnt see comin'
wut doesnt break u will make u stronger
now finally
im more capable of accepting the situation that i am in
used to whine a lot and sometimes wish if theres a easy way out
but
imma take the hits
and blaze thru wutever trail is ahead of me
u aint seen bouncin' back
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| if only i can get thru this.
u.
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| ya i said imma be able lean on no one but myself.
ya i said imma stick to wut im doin now and not carin' wut others have to say.
ya i said a lotta things...
but in fact,
i still cant help but wonder wut's really there for me at this point of my life.
im 22
but far from bein done wit college.
after military, i'll be 23 and almost 24.
if i were to go to colleges in tw,
it means i gotta spend a yr goin to prep classes and get rdy for the big exam.
then if i get into the schoos i like,
i'll have to spend at least 3 yrs wrappin up the degree.
and if i do consider grad schoo,
then damn, by the time im done wit schoo, i'll be 30.
that just sounds fkin scary man...most ppl finish grad schoo around 25~27,
but im up to 5 yrs behind?
then wut about my career?
can i really continue my job as an insurance agent while im doin all this?
i dun even kno....
i do feel like i should still invest in myself more thru education,
but the price seems high.
and at this difficult stage that im in,
family affairs and shit r also all over my mind,
not mentionin' other issues....
god damn,
sometimes i feel like,
i wanna fly away from all this
just to clear my mind.
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